Lance - Final Video

I like the story this tells and the concept! i would make every scene have the same color and detail though. good job!

I think my favourite thing about this is your artstyle! Your bold flat shapes and strong angles for your characters are just so pleasing. You also made the shape language between Steve & Vaxlem really contrast, so they become a fun odd couple. Short and stocky in a white suit, tall and thin with a black body. You immediately see them butting heads just by putting them next to each other, which means these characters really work! I also really enjoyed that funny little crunchy compression you put on Steve's one line of dialogue. That really worked for me, and gave me a lot more to work with in my imagination about what Steve's like. Would've loved more examples shown through dialogue-- especially in a back-and-forth. That's an easy way to illustrate a character dynamic. Some very nice sound design here -- good job paying attention to what these environments would sound like, and adding little bits of flavor dialogue underneath the narration. Once again, I honestly feel like it'd all work so much better in a non-narrated form with more dialogue. It just doesn't really feel like a narration story, the way you've approached it. One of the first parts of the story that confused me was how you worded this: "Even more disturbing was that Vaxlem wanted to be friends and help Steve." Like... yeah, I get that Steve is a prideful so-and-so who really wants to do everything on his own. But the way that's worded is just really confusing. It makes me go, "How is that disturbing? That sounds great! If I needed help like Steve does, this would be a godsend!" You just need to make it extra clear that this is from the perspective of STEVE. "Even more disturbing TO STEVE was that Vaxlem wanted to be friends and help him." I know that might seem like such an insignificant change, but I think it really helps. Perspective in narration can be clear to helping you follow the story. There's very little chance in the story for us to get to know Vaxlem. We know he's nice, annoying to Steve (but seems like anyone's annoying to Steve, so that's not much of a litmus test), and he knows a bit about what to do since he lives on this planet. Since we've only been following the journey of Steve, who is currently a prideful jerk, it'd be nice for you to let us really feel that character contrast in the story you tell. And to do that, you're gonna have to give specific examples of what Vaxlem DOES and BEHAVES that makes him incredibly different from Steve. As it stands, he feels a little more like a plot device to help Steve grow than a real person in and of himself. When a story is about a relationship, you have to treat both characters with equal respect and personhood. I really like how one of the big conflicts is found in an impending storm that Steve stubbornly pushes through until he's frozen in his tracks. I think it's a good visual metaphor for his stubbornness in his ways, and it's a good jumping-off point for him to realize he needs to change. Speaking of visual metaphor, fun little reference to the muscular handshake meme. Very appropriate for this. I'm not feeling the landing of a payoff with them finding the Volcanor core. The way it's written in the story, they just... stumble across it. I don't know the lengths they went to get it, or what it was that finally made them find it. (I don't even know where they are when they find it, the background doesn't give a lot of context.) It just doesn't really feel earned-- it seems more like Steve learned his lesson, and so THAT'S why the story permitted him to find the core. There should be some illustrated event involving Steve & Vaxlem working together that brings them to this point. Extra points if you delay it beyond a point the audience expects. The more doubt you put into them ever finding a solution, the harder it is, the more incredible the payoff becomes. The way you illustrated Steve & Vaxlem heading into the snowstorm with the core doesn't make it look all the much safer, too. Looks like they'd both freeze again. Maybe you should've kept it low to the ground, where it'd instant melt snow, and they could, like, have some kind of fortified protection. Poor Vaxlem, I don't even know if he's wearing clothes! :'( For it to end with Vaxlem joining Steve for good on the spaceship, like... ... what, does Vaxlem not have any life on Nova-C that he's leaving behind? No friends or family? What has Steve done for Vaxlem that makes Vaxlem want to give up everything for this dude? That's another big problem I have with this -- I don't see Steve doing anything for Vaxlem. To have this character arc really develop, Steve is gonna have to do something selfless for Vaxlem that doesn't immediately benefit his safe journey to Nova-B. Because WOW, Vaxlem has done NOTHING but help Steve. Vaxlem deserves a true-blue friend back, right? 'Cause friendship's the name of the game here. Make me believe in the friendship, and you've got me!

I agree with the other commenters. I also wanted to say that in the program we often talk about the importance of character development, but it is also important to develop the world in which the story takes place. You've done a very good job of constructing that world, providing interesting details to make the viewer believe the place actually exists. Well done.

The fact that Steve was more disturbed by the alien wanting to be friends than by the actual alien itself was so funny to me! You did such a great job bringing his character to life — his personality came through really clearly in the story. I feel like most people know a “Steve” in real life, which made the whole thing even more entertaining and relatable. Your narration was clear and confident, the pacing worked really well, and the message of the story felt very universal and easy to connect with. Honestly, this was such a fun and well-put-together project. No critiques from me — just praise. Great job!

I really enjoyed this story and you provided some great conflict and obstacles for your main character to overcome and the conclusion of the story was well executed. I liked that this was about working as a team but also about prejudice and preconceptions. Storywise, I'd love to know more about how Steve communicated with the alien. Also, why was the alien the only one on the planet? Was he abandoned in this area of the planet? Is he hiding out? And if there are more of his kind, where are they and why didn't they make themselves known? With regards to the video, perhaps you could turn down the sound effects and take breaks between where you have pertinent sound effects (like his suit talking during the storm) so that we as the audience can pay attention to both your voice over and the sound effects. Anyway, great work on the blizard effects and I really love your alien's design. Well done!

What I loved most was... the pictures