GRAPHITE SOUL: The Wait of a Pencil, the Weight of a Man.

Amazing! From the high level of the draftsmanship to the high level of storytelling, this work does indeed communicate important lessons. The basis of the story's success is because it is relatable, because it is rooted in real life experiences. Every element works towards telling the story including the cliff hanger at the end. Well crafted and evocative.

I love the pencil getting a chance to tell his feelings. It seems like what many people of different cultures go through. So I understand where the pencil is coming from. The artwork is very detailed but a story like this would also be very impactful with muted backgrounds and emphasis on the writing utensils. Very good start, has huge potential to be a story kids can relate to!

I was left with a lot of questions after watching this. Whenever that happens, I go to the Project History to check out all the work that it took to get to this final submission. When I looked at your Project History, I noticed you didn't do anything besides the Orientation and this! What happened? Story Xperiential is about the process, and refining your story with this invaluable community. Why did you skip right to making your final project? I want to see how you got to this point, so I can help guide you in making your story better. Personifying an inanimate object is a quick effective way to get your audience's empathy in a story. And a story about a pencil is right up any creative person's alley. I figure pretty much everyone who enters Story Xperiential knows what it's like to use a pencil to get your thoughts & your heart out into something tangible. So-- very good place to start. I will say that it's disappointing that you made a story about a pencil, and you didn't use a pencil in making your story. The story would've immediately been 10 times as strong if I saw your own pencil work in this story-- your own lines, your own handwriting. Think about it. (Also, some of the generation you did could've at least used some fixing up for the sake of your story. You say, "Instead of sharpening me up, [the boy] put me back," and when he does, you can clearly see that the pencil the boy is putting back is completely sharpened all of a sudden. Or, one of the pens says that a man "chose another human" when you meant "chose another pencil". Don't contradict yourself! Give every visual element on-screen its proper attention. But really, I'd love to see your own drawings, especially for a story about pencil.) Obviously, there are limits to any analogy when writing a story like this, and any cartoon about talking objects falls apart upon close inspection. BUT, it still needs to have internal logic. It should all FEEL like it works. The elements here just don't seem to add up for me. The story is all about two containers of writing supplies in a library -- one has two pencils in it (one unsharpened and one sharpened), and one has a whole bunch of pens in it. The pencils are our heroes, and the pens are our villains. The pens feel superior to the pencils because the pens are permanent. This is an interesting idea, and I was looking forward to the resolution in this story explaining something about the value of a pencil's impermanence. But it's not about that. I think the focus gets a little muddy when we also have this sharpened vs. unsharpened thing going on. It's also interesting, but really, in a simple fable like this, I think I can only think about pencils vs. pens or unsharpened pencil vs. sharpened pencil. Not both. And then everything falls apart for me when the boy puts the unsharpened pencil in the pen container, and it's treated like a tragedy. The image clearly shows they're INCHES AWAY FROM EACH OTHER. The unsharpened pencil can't really be missing its sharpened pencil friend. They really aren't far enough away from each other. If the pens and pencil were, say, at opposite ends of a table, I could buy that. That gives enough sense of scale for me to buy that the unsharpened pencil feels completely displaced. But a pencil in a pen cup... it's not like it has any less of a chance of being used. If anything, through the story clearly explaining that pens feel superior, a pencil in a pen cup has MORE chance of being used, because there's more chance a person would be coming to use a pen, and they might see the pencil instead. Then the person comes into the story who's going to change everything -- the guy who picks the unsharpened pencil. This is the most important part of the whole story -- I, as the audience member, need to believe that someone would really pick an unsharpened pencil when there's a sharpened pencil nearby. And he needs to have a good reason. As it plays out, I'm not really sure what's going on in the guy's head. Who in their right mind picks up a perfectly good sharpened pencil, puts it back for no reason, picks up an unsharpened pencil and uses that one, instead? It just doesn't make any sense. If he's going to pick an unsharpened pencil-- if he wants to use a brand-new pencil, he should have that in mind from the beginning. The internal logic of picking up a pencil and being all set to write, then changing your mind because you want to sharpen an unsharpened pencil instead... that just doesn't happen. BUT, I CAN conceive of someone who would look for an unsharpened pencil FIRST. I also think the way this is illustrated creates a weird rivalry between the two pencils when they're supposed to be friends. That's what I'm saying about not being able to follow the pens/pencils + sharpened/unsharpened thing at the same time. If anything, the sharpened pencil should, like, be trying to help the unsharpened pencil get used, and should... I dunno, knock over the cup so the unsharpened pencil rolls over to the guy trying to pick what to write with. The biggest logical hole for me is that this guy loved this brand-new pencil so much that he came back for it, but on the NEXT day, for some reason. When he gets there, he doesn't so much as use the pencil the whole time he's there, then straight-up forgets he was going to take the pencil. Then, it means so much to him again, and he feels so compelled that he runs back to grab the pencil. I know this is all an analogy for being of worth to somebody, and you want to give it dramatic tension, but none of this makes sense in the context of the story. If you really like a pencil, you just take it with you after you use it. You don't leave it behind where you found it. And I have a hard time believing anybody would turn back specifically for a pencil in this way. There's also the whole thing about, like... this is a public library, and these pencils and pens are there for the patrons of the library. Obviously, this runs on the honor code that people aren't just going to take all the writing supplies for themselves, but, like... I think this guy should ask if he could take the pencil with him, or an employee should tell him he should take it with him. Something like that. There's no real resolution here at the end, which is a shame. Whatever's going on in this dude's life seems really interesting (being an artist, getting over a bad breakup), and seems more like the first act of an interesting story about this pencil and its owner. Maybe you should've made all of this a quicker first act and gotten right into what happens when the pencil leaves with its new owner. The thing is... a pencil is only unsharpened once in their life. It doesn't feel very inspirational for the message to be that the person who picked the pencil wanted a fresh start. Eventually, this pencil is going to not be fresh, and then what? The owner will go for another unsharpened pencil? That really undercuts the whole idea of this being about the unsharpened pencil's worth. I think for inspiration on how to handle your main character, you might want to watch the recent Pixar short called Lightbulb. It has similarities to this, but has a very realistic & creative solution to the problem. I DO think there's need for a different approach to the topic. As someone who watches over kids at a school, I can confirm that kids LOVE sharpening pencils, and they LOVE to find unsharpened pencils and be the first to sharpen it. So... that messes up all of this. No one looks at an unsharpened pencil and goes, "Oh, shucks, it's useless!" We all know it's fun and easy to sharpen a pencil. Really, the journey of an unsharpened pencil has a LOT more in common with a toy in an unopened box, dreaming of their first playtime. No one looks at a toy in a box and wants to play with the toy OUTSIDE of the box MORE than the one that's IN the box, you know? People like being the one to open the box. People like being the one to sharpen the pencil. So it should be more that things are getting in the way of the unsharpened pencil finally being found and used-- like, maybe it gets misplaced, or the pens throw it in the trash bin. I think it'd be SO fun to follow the journey of a rolling pencil that's trying to get back to its cup. And to add even more drama, what if after all of the time spent trying to be sharpened, the pencil FALLS and BREAKS IN HALF? And it thinks, "Now no one is ever going to want me, and I never even got the chance to be used once!!" And THEN the man could come along and sharpen BOTH HALVES of the pencil into two perfectly good tinier pencils. I know this is all about worth, so just make sure the story truly reflects that.

I though the character designing was kind of cute, not much honestly to say but that I also loved the sketched animation.

A very poignant story of belonging. I could feel the pencil's self-doubt compounded by the cruelty of the pens. The pencil's longing was met when the writer chose and sharpened it. There are many themes in this story that people of all ages can relate to - well done!

This is such a beautiful story! The way you made me feel for that pencil! It's deep and moving, and I love the art! I also really enjoyed how it ended. It felt like they were starting a great adventure. It gives you room to continue their story, and I look forward to seeing what comes next!

The first thing I want to say is that your story was beautifully executed. The visual design, especially the character designs, are warm and endearing. I see from your comment below that you used ChatGPT to create the images -- this is an excellent example of using generative AI as a creative partner. Well done. The core of the story is also very relatable in that everyone wants to be of value, but has self doubt. One small suggestion for improvement is to give "my friend", a name to make it more clear that there is an emotional bond between the main character and the friend. Overall, a very impressive submission. Thank you.

I found this story to be emotional, intriguing and exciting. I loved the visuals and would like to know more about how they were created. I like the contrast between the setting which is rendered very realistically and the cartoon-y faces of the pens and pencils. They evoke a mysterious atmosphere and the library is a beautiful setting for this story. The library feels like an important and historical institution. It is depicted with attention to detail and feels monumental. While it is a story about a pencil - it is a great metaphor for humans and our need to have purpose. I think it would help when you scroll over an image to start with the text that comes first as opposed to from the bottom up. I am really excited to hear the rest of this story!