princess Diana story spine real

This is a solid start to the story. It's always compelling when the main character tries to warn people of the problem, no one listens, so they have to solve the problem themselves. I would love to find out more about the floating city, and maybe some more details about the main character. I look forward to finding out how/if the princess saves everyone!

It's easy to tell that you have a rich imagination and express yourself in your drawings, like your main character -- the passion behind the illustrations makes the fantasy world feel real and personal. All of your voice clips for the story are completely in the wrong order! Make sure to watch what you make before you put it up. I'm pretty sure the "There was a shy kid" is the way your story was supposed to start, because that's what you put in the Story Spine Script submission you did, which is in the RIGHT order. In that original video, you had the "every day, they sketch new worlds" part, which is important information, but you took it out in this version! Don't cut things that are important or things that are working. (But I think this is all just from not checking the video before you put it up.) Another little accident: "Dissolved" is not the right word. Dissolve means to disappear, or to melt. The pencil didn't melt or disappear-- the story begins with the kid finding the pencil. So I think you meant "found" or maybe "discovered"? Saying "minor beat" isn't very helpful to making the story make sense-- actually, it's more confusing to say that! I also think that a few of these minor beats didn't need to be said out loud. Don't say, "a surprising event happens" -- just show us that a surprising event happens. Don't say "hint something feels off" -- just show us what the hint is. The story doesn't have an ending, which is a shame, because I really want to know how Princess Diana saves the city from floating! (Or maybe she doesn't? That'd also be interesting.) Most confusing, though, is who Princess Diana is. Our main character is a kid who loves to draw floating cities. Where'd Princess Diana come from? I'm going to guess that the kid IS Diana, and she's not really a princess -- or at least she wasn't until she found the magical pencil. Then, when she created the floating city, she became the princess OF the floating city. But none of that is explained in your story telling, so I'm just having to guess! Don't make your audience guess, there are things we NEED to know so we can follow the story. ALL of the drawings are wonderful, but a LOT OF THEM don't seem to be showing us what's happening in the story. I especially don't know what the picture of a Rapunzel girl in a tower with a prince at the bottom has to do with anything. There's no Rapunzel or prince in the story! Always make sure your drawings go with what you're talking about. When your pictures and your words support each other, that's where the real magic happens. I think everyone in the program can understand the joy of creating imaginary worlds, and how they feel real. I'd love to know what Diana finds out at the end!