Out of This World

Wonderful heartfelt story with so much for us all to relate to. I look forward to seeing your continued work developing this story and adding more information about the alien teen and their evolving relationship. Bravo.

From this session, this is my absolute favourite in either the Youth or Adult cohort. Your story has a HUGE heart, and it is deeply sincere. And that sincerity brings it to life. And that's the magic I go ga-ga over in stories-- to feel a very real love from imaginary things. Every shot you drew is SUPER clear in intent (action lines & bits of colour sprinkled for emphasis), charming as all get-out, and the character acting feels super well-thought out. There's so much tenderness in things like Aurora tending to her daughter's wounds. I'm personally guessing that the logic behind Aurora's desire to specifically adopt a TEENAGE DAUGHTER is because that was the point in her life that she felt the most lost, and so she wants to give someone at that same hard point in life the love they otherwise wouldn't have. (And, of course, the older you are, the less likely it is that you'll ever get adopted. Interesting fact: There's even grown-ups putting themselves up for adoption all over the place. There's a real need to belong that doesn't go away when you grow up.) Honestly, I can't help but feel like this whole backstory of how she came to this decision to adopt a teenage daughter deserves to be completely shown. Like, all the events and feelings that it took to get to that. That's the biggest thing she's putting her heart into, and in order for the audience to want that for her as badly, we need to know everything that led her to that point. What was her family life like? Did she have a present and loving mother? Was she the type of girl who always wanted to have a kid? Did it totally break her heart when she found out she couldn't have one? When did she decide that adoption was the answer? What exactly made her to decide she wanted a teenage daughter? Would it be a no-go if she was offered a baby or a boy, instead? If so, then why? All of this helps us to be invested in Aurora getting her dream. I'm a big fan of any story that involves someone who dreams of having a child, and the child is provided to them through some magical thing. Momotaro, Princess Kaguya, Timothy Green, even Superman. So the way Aurora's wish is granted is absolutely perfect. It DOES bring up a lot of questions about the world Aurora lives in, though. In Aurora's world, have people met aliens before? If the alien girl is found, would she be at risk of being taken away by the government, ET-style? This would inform the life that Aurora and her new daughter are having. Like, is she having to hide her, and not let anyone know she even has a daughter? Does she try to pretend her daughter is human in front of other people? A big part of this story is that Aurora is a SCIENTIST. Like... her daughter is probably a scientific discovery in this world. It's important that there be some kind of acknowledgment in the story of what Aurora being an alien MEANS to the world at large. Perhaps this could also show how incredibly loving Aurora is, too -- that all she sees is a child in need, not an alien. (There's also the whole aspect of... like, is there any chance of fixing her daughter's spaceship? Is that something to matters to her daughter? Obviously, there's this whole language barrier, so there is so much Aurora can't know, but I think it'd be clear visually if she wanted to go back out into space.) A big thing in these first-time parent stories that I love is that it presents unexpected problems almost instantly. No matter how much you prepare, you're going to be completely blind-sided. This story is especially fun because even though her daughter is older, EVERYTHING about this planet is new to her, which makes her at risk in the same way a baby would be. And then that language barrier-- I LOVE those drawings of the two of them trying SO, SO hard to communicate with each other. Sometimes, even if two people speak the same language, TRULY COMMUNICATING can STILL feel that complicated. I think it has a wonderful extended-metaphor feel to it that is something universally felt by anyone who's ever tried to care for someone else. (I'd love to know the full alien alphabet, it's one of the coolest I've ever seen!) And MAN, that language-barrier conflict has SUCH a good payoff. To notice someone's feeling bad, and to give them a hug... to have the solution be a communication BEYOND WORDS... so meaningful. I WOULD like to know exactly what led Aurora to her full crash-out. To know exactly what her daughter noticed that made her realize, "Wow, she's cared for me so much... now I have to do something for her." SO MANY great lessons at the end that EVERYBODY should be aware of. For Aurora to specifically ask for a break, to make time to breathe (something I find I forget. Consciously breathing is so good!), to know her limits, and that she needs to care for herself, too... HOO. I also think it's weirdly accurate that her job would be understanding about the break time. I think so often we assume it's too much to ask for anything for ourselves, when there is so much grace we could have in our life if we only asked for it, or accepted it. The one thing that could really boost that resolution is if the alien girl is actually the one encouraging Aurora to rest, and is helping take care of HER. I think that's how to complete the arc. When your character's whole goal is to be a caretaker, it really throws everything on its head to have Aurora have to accept the care of the one she wanted so badly to take care of. There are so many people I know who base their whole value on if they can provide, when they have so much innate worth beyond that. The struggle of accepting this would really bring Aurora's character to a full feeling of growth, I think. Since Aurora's a scientist, it WOULD be really cool if something about her being a mom to this alien helps her in her career. Like, time with her daughter gives her a new way of thinking about things -- she comes to some solution she otherwise wouldn't. I mean, there's got to be TONS an alien can teach her, just like there's tons for her to teach an alien. I think that'd really justify the time spent on her career in the story, since I felt like I wanted some big payoff where she has something wonderful happen in her work, to go along with what's going on at home. And, like... I know I've been calling the alien her daughter, but I know there's been no official adoption... it'd really kick me in the heart if Aurora and the alien become mother and daughter. I've watched who knows how many videos about adoptions, and it never fails to make me cry. Of course, this is an itty-bitty story, and you can just take it as a compliment that I want adoption papers for two imaginary people that badly, hahaha.

So many great themes here -- the need to nurture, to find a work life balance, to deal with depression. All very relatable. Lots of potential here. To take the story to the next level it would be good to weave in some answers to the kinds of questions that Lauren raises below. Additionally, your art work and character designs are really exceptional. Nice work!

You have created a very cute story that realistically depicts a common struggle almost everyone experiences. It's a universal human problem: trying to balance work/home life. Your drawing is so good and consistent, it really helps bring the story alive. Your narration was also very well paced and easy to understand. Great job!!

This story has so much potential and I relly enjoyed the artwork and the overall story! I think what could improve the story would be to give the audience more information about the alien (Does she have a name? Does she want to go back to her planet? Why was she on Earth? What made her crash? What are her personality traits? Is she curious, stubborn, fearful, etc.?) also what sort of scientist is Aurora? It would also be interesting add more external conflict - is the alien curious about the world? Does she try to leave the house? Do people see her? Is Aurora scared people will take the alien away? It is great to see that they start to understand one another and I really enjoyed how you slowly build up their relationship to one of caring. Good work!